| OK so I haven't really updated this thing in awhile, and I didn't plan on it until recent events that just make me want to SCREAM. However I am pretty reserved with my emotions, and I figured a xanga entry should do the trick ( I even tried resorting to writing a diary, but I thought: "who am I kidding? I live in the 21st century") New apartment, new beginnings. I moved out of Newport yesterday and today will the my official first day at the new pad. It's sad, normally when I move to a new place, I am extremely excited to start anew, start making new friends, start a new chapter of my life. However, THIS new chapter is not going to include my closest friends aka best ex-roomates in the world. I've come to see them as part of my family now; and this morning before I left for work, I finally took the time to realize that it's REALLY over. I don't want to steal Friend's cliche line of "It's the end of an era," but I really do feel like it is the end of an era. I'm getting to an age where responsibilities can not be neglected anymore, especially responsibilities for myself. I feel more alone than ever because everyone else I know is either a) leaving the country or b)moving back home. Days that are just composed of everyone sitting in the living room laughing and talking seems long gone already...nobody can afford to lose time doing that. Yes, "friends come and go," as they always say, but the problem is, I don't want to make any new friends. I am content on having my select few, and after they "go," where does that leave me? I feel devoid of interests too...nothing excites me anymore. The endless parties, drinks, smokes, used to be the highlight of my life, but now I just think to myself: "Now what?" I'm not depressed, I am aware that I'm in the middle of a transitioning stage into adulthood, but man, I never realized it was going to be this hard. Sure, my friends and I will visit throughout the year, but it's not the same. Pretty soon, independence will settle in after EVERYBODY (yes I'm referring to the 5th yrs like meself) graduates, and everybody will go their separate ways. I'm not talking about the kind of independence you gain when you turn 18 and you're of no legal burden on your parents...no I'm talking about the independence you'll reach when one becomes more alone as they grow up because other people are growing up as well...ppl leaving the country for jobs, moving out of state, etc. etc. Then you are truly on your own, aka "independent", when you step foot into a new country/city/state, and the new experiences will mostly be just YOURS, not yours and a friend's. A new life begins. Wow I'm getting pretty depressed just thinking of this right now, not because I don't want to grow up, but because I'm growing up so FAST. When did I get to this stage? Janice, I know you're probably going to read this, so I just wanted to say that you're the best roomate i've ever had (well I've only had 3, but that's beside the point). I will miss our late night talks, your re-enactment of Wicked, our little chinese drama phase (KO AIIIIIIIIIIII >__< hahaha), your black pants that has a hole in it, spice girls concert, our stupid game that we invented that we played on our bed (remember with the sleeping mask and we'd try to discern where the clapping noise was coming from), when you got us kicked out of Zings (hahaha let's dance on the couuuch!), your Crush party (hahah let's dance on the staaaaage!), omg and how can I forget DRANIIIICE, that tambourine you stole, hahaha even our fights were kind of funny, now that I think back on it, the cruise, etc. There is so much more I want to reminisce on, but it'll probably a) require another post or b)I'm sounding a lil gay. I know we'll still see each other, but i'm definitely going to miss living with you =(. I hate goodbyes. |
